People Can Change Calls on California State Assembly to Oppose Bill That Would Outlaw Gay-Change Therapies for Minors

People Can Change, an international network of men who have changed from gay to straight and others working toward similar change, has voiced its strong opposition to a bill now making its way through the California legislature that would outlaw sexual orientation-change therapies for minors.

Senate Bill 1172 passed the California Senate May 30 on a party-line vote of 23 to 13 and is now scheduled for a hearing in the Assembly on June 26.

“SB1172 is blatant discrimination,” said Rich Wyler, founder and director of People Can Change. “It allows and even encourages gay-affirming therapies for minors while banning ‘straight-affirming’ alternatives. It disregards the client’s right to self-determination, and tells him that if he is questioning his sexuality, only a gay identity is politically correct. That is as unconscionable as allowing a pregnant minor to receive abortion counseling but banning counseling that offers adoption or single parenting as possible alternatives.

“SB1172 embraces the lie that change therapies never work and are often harmful,” Wyler said. “Proponents believe any anecdotes about alleged harm, but disregard every research study that shows the benefit and effectiveness of these therapies for a great many people.”

Wyler speaks from personal experience with sexual orientation-change therapy.

“It saved my life,” he said. “Before my therapy in Southern California in the 1990s, I was suicidal and on a path of self-destruction due to same-sex attractions that conflicted with my identify, my faith and my life goals. Working with a therapist who believed in the possibility of change and who supported me in my goals helped restore my life and my sense of self-worth. It saved my marriage and my family. Today, I am no longer same-sex attracted.”

Wyler founded People Can Change in 2000 as a network of men who have successfully worked to diminish or eliminate their homosexual attractions through counseling and related change efforts and who now support others who seek similar change. The organization’s flagship Journey Into Manhood weekend program, offered annually in California and six other states plus England and Israel, has drawn almost 2,000 men from 47 states and 37 countries. Surveys of past participants show that four out of five report experiencing reduced homosexual feelings six months or more after their Journey Into Manhood experience, and nine out of 10 report an improved sense of self-worth.

For more information, visit www.peoplecanchange.com.

ABC Nightline Profiles Journey Into Manhood: 'It's Been Life-Changing'

ABC Nightline aired an almost 15-minute nationwide broadcast on Nov. 8, 2010, profiling People Can Change and its Journey Into Manhood weekend program --- what the show called "a highly controversial retreat that claims it can help men get rid of their feelings of sexual attraction for other men" (view it on YouTube).

The show was based on more than a dozen hours of filming at a reunion weekend for past Journey Into Manhood participants in Texas last July. People Can Change granted Nightline access to the reunion based on the show's reputation for fairness, and propelled by the non-profit organization's mission:

"To support and guide men who seek to transition away from unwanted homosexuality, by courageously and compassionately sharing our own first-hand experience with change."

"Overall, Nightline treated us as professionally and respectfully as we could expect," said Rich Wyler, founder and executive director of People Can Change. "I would describe the tone of the show as respectfully skeptical.

"The program told the story through the eyes of a Journey Into Manhood participant named Preston, and I was especially appreciative that they treated Preston and his wife with respect while still asking some very pointed and personal questions. Preston came across as sincere, motivated and making progress but still on the journey.

"Of course, Nightline also interviewed some critics, but the show's credibility and journalistic integrity required that," Wyler acknowledged. "For the most part, the criticisms were predictable and, in my view, didn't detract from Preston's sincerity and his personal witness of change, and newfound joy."

The resulting broadcast carried some important messages to an audience of somewhere between 1.5 million and 2 million people in the U.S.:

• "The purpose of the weekend is to help men overcome what they call unwanted same sex attraction... It's an intensive 48 hours of what Wyler calls deep emotional work... [It's] part summer-camp bonding, part peer counseling" (reporter Ryan Owens).

• "Activities are used to teach metaphorical lessons... [Many of the exercises are] meant to build up a sense of masculine self confidence" (reporter).

• "[Exercises hinge] upon their basic theory of what causes same sex attraction: at some point in childhood, a man suffers a trauma that pulls him away from male figures. Because of this loss, he yearns for male love, and starts to seek it out sexually... Rich claims the key to changing is fulfilling these needs for male attention in nonsexual ways. Close relationships, platonic male bonding" (reporter).

• "It's not about suppressing my same sex attraction. It's about fulfilling it in nonsexual, gender-affirming ways" (soundbite from Wyler interview).

• "For some people, 'gay' is never going to work. That kind of life, that way of living, is just not going to gel -- ever - with their value system" (soundbite from JiM co-creator David Matheson, LPC).

• "Journey into Manhood changed my life. I learned that I really could change" (soundbite from promotional video on PCC website).

• "It's been life changing. It's been a whole new take on life. It's been absolutely miraculous for me personally... I feel a significant diminishment in [same-sex] attraction. It is without a doubt much more of an emotional attraction than it is a sexual one now" (soundbite from Preston).

• "Preston says the 'therapy' has helped a lot with his marriage" (reporter)

• Reporter: "Are you sexually attracted to your wife?" Preston: "Now? Yes, There was a spark of attraction before. But now, absolutely." Reporter: "But you had to work on that?" Preston: "Not specifically on that. I had to work on my own sense of masculinity."

Critics interviewed were the American Psychiatric Association's Dr. Jack Drescher - an openly gay man and long-time critic of all forms of sexual-orientation change efforts -- and two past Journey Into Manhood participants who are now living as openly gay men.

One critic, identified as Ben Unger, said on camera, "At some points I was suicidal. I felt that it was my fault I wasn't changing."

"My heart goes out to any man who feels suicidal due to internal turmoil over same-sex attractions," Wyler said. "I know what that's like. I've been there.

Critics interviewed were the American Psychiatric Association's Dr. Jack Drescher - an openly gay man and long-time critic of all forms of sexual-orientation change efforts -- and two past Journey Into Manhood participants who are now living as openly gay men.

One critic, identified as Ben Unger, said on camera, "At some points I was suicidal. I felt that it was my fault I wasn't changing."

"My heart goes out to any man who feels suicidal due to internal turmoil over same-sex attractions," Wyler said. "I know what that's like. I've been there.

"But I have to question Ben Unger's statement, and whether his hopelessness had anything at all to do with Journey Into Manhood, because for the vast majority of participants, Journey Into Manhood is one of the most affirming experiences of their lives. Many times I've heard men say how much that contrasted with the depression and hopelessness they once felt when they thought their only option was to live a gay life, with no hope of change."

ABC Nightline To Air Profile and Critique of People Can Change and Journey Into Manhood

Three months after People Can Change gave an ABC Nightline news crew exclusive access to a private reunion weekend of Journey Into Manhood graduates, the resulting broadcast is queued up to air on ABC Nightline across the U.S. tonight, November 8, at 11:35 pm (10:35 pm Central).

On the Nightline page, there's a 45-second preview of tonight's broadcast, with a quick sample of a visualization process (connecting to Golden or King energy) and a soundbite from JiM co-creator David Matheson ("For some people, 'gay' is never going to work. That kind of life, that way of living, is just not going to gel -- ever -- with their value system. So for those men, that's why we exist, so that they can have another way, another approach to dealing with their sexual feelings.")

Also on the Nightline page, there is a 2,500-word companion article to tonight's piece. This article gives a good preview of what to expect from the broadcast story.

The story will be told in part through the perspective of a journeyer named Preston, who has grown and benefited greatly from his Journey Into Manhood experience.

At least two critics will also be interviewed -- two past Journey Into Manhood participants who have since embraced a gay life and become public opponents of all change efforts.

Reaction from People Can Change.

As founder and director of People Can Change, I posted the following to our Web site and our online communities today:

"Based on what I know and have seen so far, the piece looks like it will be about as fair and balanced as one can expect from national broadcast media on this topic," said Rich Wyler, founder and director of People Can Change.

"By that I mean, plenty of air time will be given to our critics, and some of what our critics will say will be highly slanted and perhaps even outright false. But I believe there will also be sufficient air time giving a fair look at who we are and what we believe in as an organization and as fellow 'journeyers' on this path. I think viewers will get a small sense of what Journey Into Manhood is, and how it benefits men.

"In the companion article online, past Journey Into Manhood participant Ben Unger is quoted as saying 'the therapy tried to instill in us...that it's impossible to be gay and happy [and that gays] are alcoholics and drug addicts and they are never in serious relationships.'

"That's absolutely NOT true about People Can Change. That's not who we are, that's not how we think, that's never what we say. In fact, we tell the men -- quote -- 'If you gain nothing else from this weekend, we want you to know you are good and valuable just as you are, today, unchanged, and even if you never change.'

"Perhaps Unger was making a judgment about some of his other therapeutic work, and Nightline took it out of context to imply mistakenly that Unger felt that way about People Can Change. But the idea that anyone could come away from Journey Into Manhood with that idea is absolutely wrong.

"Unger and another past participant are also critical of Journey Into Manhood's teachings and processes about 'healthy touch.'

"We teach that male-male touch does NOT have to be sexual, and in fact the desire for touch can be a healthy drive to meet a need that every child is born with -- to be held and comforted by Dad."

In response to follow-up questions from Nightline about this criticism, I wrote:

"One small but powerful element of Journey Into Manhood is that we offer non-sexual, father-son-style holding that can touch a core unmet need from childhood. It is completely optional, fully supervised, done in a group setting, with clearly taught guidelines to keep it therapeutic.

"As a result, we've never seen any inappropriate touch on a Journey Into Manhood weekend. Instead, many have discovered that non-sexual brotherly touch and affirmation -- not homosexual relationships -- were what they had really longed for all along.

"To critics we would add: How can you mock or criticize non-sexual, therapeutic holding but then accept and even celebrate sex between men?"

Unger was quoted in the written article alleging that at one point of the weekend the participants were instructed to remove their clothing. In response, I wrote:

"Either he or Nightline is trying to make this sound lurid, but in reality what he describes is as benign as what is experienced every day in high school gym class. Hundreds of past participants will tell you they never experienced anything like what Unger is suggesting -- and that even includes an undercover reporter and gay-rights activist who lied his way into Journey Into Manhood once last year. Certainly if there was something salacious going on, he would have reported it."

"The article reports that 'Unger said the weekend left him feeling depressed and even suicidal because he was convinced it was his fault he wasn't changing.'

"I just can't imagine that. The vast majority of participants leave the weekend feeling far happier, more whole, more hopeful, more grounded, and with a larger network of support than they've ever had before. Many times I've heard them contrast that to the depression and hopelessness they once felt when they thought their only option was to live a gay life, with no hope of change."

Background

ABC Nightline first approached People Can Change last April to explore the possibility of filming some of our weekend and interviewing volunteers and participants.

Of course, bringing cameras onto an actual Journey Into Manhood weekend is absolutely out of the question. But in the interest of spreading our message to other men who are looking for what we offer, we considered allowing cameras to film part of a JiM reunion weekend where all the attendees are JiM alumni already and would come to the weekend knowing that a news crew was going to be.

Fourteen men gathered in July for a one-day, two-night reunion at a camp near Houston. David Matheson and I flew in to facilitate the weekend and give interviews. Five of the attendees also agreed to go on camera and share their own stories and attest to the reality of change and the positive impact of Journey Into Manhood on their lives.

Preston, a "journeyer" and frequent staff volunteer from Utah, was the primary focus, and the experience of the weekend and the journey itself is primarily shared through his eyes. The news crew later flew out to Utah to film an interview with Preston's wife, who is now expecting their first child.

People Can Change Marks 10 Year Anniversary

It’s now been 10 years since I first uploaded an amateurish-looking (but professionally written!) Web site containing the first-person accounts of nine men who had experienced significant change from unwanted homosexuality, and called it www.peoplecanchange.com.

I had tracked down each of the men through friends and referrals, or through their already-public testimonials. I then wrote a summary of the clear commonalities in their stories, revealing what worked for them in overcoming or resolving unwanted homosexual feelings. That first Web site, with sections on what works, what doesn’t, and why even try, along with the first-person stories, went online in September 2000. Concerned for my own privacy, I used the alias Ben Newman for myself for the first 6 years, because I did, in fact, feel very much like a new man.

Today, 10 years later, I am amazed at what People Can Change has become – what, in my belief system, God has created, through the hands of countless dedicated, selfless volunteers for whom PCC’s message of renewal, growth and dignity has resonated so powerfully.

This week, coinciding with PCC’s 10th anniversary, we launched the third-generation of www.peoplecanchange.com, completely overhauled and updated graphically, with some new and updated content and easier navigation. I am thrilled with the beautiful new look, and I thank Tanya at www.kawadesign.com for her hard work and dedication to make this overhaul a reality.

She also gave our logo a nice new, updated look and feel.

Also this week, we introduced our first-ever video profiling our trademark Journey Into Manhood program. It’s a beautiful, professionally produced video. I thank Kevin at KevinMark Films for his beautiful and sensitive work that captured the essence of Journey Into Manhood, and why we do this work. I thank the volunteer staff of the Journey Into Manhood weekend in Southern California this past July, who graciously allowed themselves to be filmed during the staff preparation day.

At the end of this month, we will present our FIFTIETH Journey Into Manhood weekend, and our fifth in England. 50! That’s amazing for a program that started in January 2002 with a volunteer crew of just five staff men, a vision, passion to make a difference in men’s lives, and the grace of God.

Since that first January Into Manhood weekend, some 1,375 men have been through the program. They’ve come from 45 states and 36 countries. We’ve presented Journey Into Manhood in England and in 12 states in the U.S.

We’re fulfilling the mission of People Can Change in many other ways as well.

We’ve added an experiential program for women married to same-sex attracted men, called “A Wife’s Healing Journey,” which we offered for the first time in Texas in 2009, then in Utah in 2010. And plans are in the works to present the program in Southern California in January 2011.

We’ve added a powerful, advanced-level program for men called “Journey Beyond” for men who have completed Journey Into Manhood as well as other advanced personal-growth work. We’ve presented it five times since 2005 and are planning it again for August 2011.

We touch lives through our telephone support and coaching groups, which we hold weekly, and our online discussion/support groups, which have been running for almost 10 years. We have 8 online groups (not counting our many post-Journey Into Manhood groups) with some 1,400 members. There, they receive encouragement, support and understanding about “the journey.”

And our Website itself reaches thousands of people every month; we receive an average of about 50,000 unique visitors a year. We receive numerous emails thanking us for our work and asking for additional guidance and support.

As significant as all these “programs” and “initiatives” are, as we look back over 10 years, it would all be absolutely meaningless if we weren’t helping to change lives for the better!

And that is where the real success of People Can Change is. I have personally witnessed countless lives dramatically changed for the better.

I’ve seen men turn their lives around. I’ve seen men transform. From shame to freedom. From pain to wholeness. From isolation to brotherhood. From lust to brotherly love. From desperation to joy.

I’ve seen marriages saved and love renewed. I’ve seen single men fulfill lifelong dreams of falling in love with a woman, marrying, and having children. And through these men and women and families, I firmly believe, lives have been saved and many future generations positively impacted in untold ways.

My gratitude goes out to everyone who has played any part in realizing the vision of People Can Change, and serving as an instrument in the hands of God to change lives.

More Men Share The Powerful Impact of the Journey Into Manhood Weekend

From M.S., in Israel:

I went through the Journey into Manhood weekend in spring of 2006 – I was 25 years old at the time. I had been doing reparative therapy for several years, during which time my therapist would repeatedly urge me to go to JiM – he said that what I had to gain from JiM would be worth five sessions of therapy. So after years of prodding, I finally decided to register.

Attending JiM turned out to be one of the most important decisions of my life. The weekend itself opened my emotional floodgates, catapulting me into a cognitive-emotional process that, within a few months, led me to breaking a pattern of emotional dependency on other men – a pattern that had existed since as far back as I can remember, and would lead me to frustration, depression and suicidal thoughts.

Today I am stronger, happier and more fulfilled; and as I continue to do “my work,” my awareness of my inherent human power of choice grows; I continue to take more and more responsibility for my life.

I am not “done” – I still have same-sex attractions, but these are more mild, less muddled emotionally, and usually gone after I come to see the man I’m attracted to as my equal and peer. Throughout this process I’ve also developed a stronger attraction towards women as well.

I recommend JiM to any man who knows deep down that living a gay life is not the best life for him.


From M.D., in Kentucky:

I went to a Journey Into Manhood weekend in 2004. I was 37. JiM has given me more than just an opportunity to meet people like me, who have unwanted feelings of same sex attraction (SSA). JiM has been a very important tool in my development as a MAN. Thanks to JiM and other tools and resources, I accept my feelings in the most healthful way for me; and by doing it, these SSA feelings have been diminishing over time.

My wife of 18 years has been by my side in every step of the way. Sometimes she and Jesus Christ Himself have carried me along the way. Thanks to my wife, I have been able to realize that God loves me unconditionally, and without her, it would have been almost impossible for me to endure this journey of developing my manhood.

I strongly recommend JiM for any man who is serious about developing his own MANHOOD, no matter who this man is, a Christian or a Jew, European or Latin American, or what he thinks of himself. If he has unwanted SSA feelings and has the powerful desire to deal with them, JiM will be one of the best tools to overcome these feelings.

Today, 6 years after my own JiM weekend, I enjoy life plentifully, with my beloved wife and 5 beautiful children. I adore them, and it is for them that I have continued in this wonderful journey into MY OWN MANHOOD.


From Paul, in Maryland:

I experienced the Journey into Manhood this past weekend, and it was the most healing, affirming, loving experience of my life. The experiences and lessons learned during this weekend will become for me a cornerstone in the foundation of my masculinity and manhood.


From B.Y., in Virginia:

I went through the JiM weekend a year and a half ago. I was 25 at the time, unmarried but hoping to get married someday. I'd been conflicted with unwanted same sex attractions since puberty. I was really scared when I went to the JiM weekend, not knowing what I would be put through.

What I found at the weekend was a deep respect and care for me as a person like I had never experienced before. I have never felt so free to be truly, authentically me. I was invited to look deep inside myself and find the masculinity inside myself. I left the weekend feeling more alive, solid, masculine and free than I'd ever felt before. It was a turning point in my life. I met a beautiful girl a few months after the JiM weekend, and we are now engaged to be married in a few months. I couldn't be a happier man.


From Greg, in England:

I attended the Journey Into Manhood weekend in London in October 2008. It was a life-changing experience. The activities in the JiM were able to directly address both my inner needs and inner pain which had been buried deep inside me for years, since I was a small boy. Both the conscious and unconscious coping methods that my emotions had developed to deal with those inner feelings were faced in an atmosphere of loving acceptance and genuine concern...This acceptance and care from other men are what I have craved all my life.

I would say that the process is really more self-discovery than 'change'. It is about learning to love; both to love others around us and to love and accept ourselves. It's a way of seeing that our feelings are legitimate, that they certainly don't need to be shunned or scorned, and that they are a sign of genuine inner needs that slowly transform into solid masculine feelings of love and care for others.

This weekend is not about forcing ourselves to be what we are not, but enabling ourselves to be what we truly are! Since then I have gone on in life with natural and uninhibited feelings of growing self-esteem and renewed confidence.


From Scott, in Ohio:

I was 29 when I went to the Journey into Manhood retreat in February of 2010. I had been pondering for a year to go, before I finally stopped and said "I need this now". By taking that chance, I went on the JiM weekend and opened the doors to the rest of my life.

Before the weekend, I felt like a constantly threatened victim that was filled with much resentment towards men. I felt that the only thing they showed me was that I had to be like them for a woman to like me. After years of denying myself the right to do what I felt, along with plenty other SSA characteristics, I ended up fantasizing about having sex with men. All the while, I wanted a woman. But, I was ashamed of my virginity and fearful of being identified as "gay".

After the weekend, I learned to let go of the past and started building on who I am as a man (as me) deep inside. I finally look at the mirror and see myself with confidence. I finally have foresight for the rest of my life, knowing that I can do whatever I want in my life without the approval of anyone else but me. I have been building my life, one day at a time. I feel more compassionate and loving. I finally feel the ground on which I stand. I am a free man!

I encourage every man with unwanted same-sex attractions to attend a JiM weekend. Know that you are safe in the company of the men that will be at the weekend. I also invite you to tell other men at the weekend how you feel and welcome their support into your heart.


From Eric, in Florida:

JiM was a completely life-changing experience for me – the most powerful and real weekend I'd ever spent in healing the secrets I didn't want anybody to know. For the first time I saw that I could live as a member of a brotherhood, I belonged with a group of men. I was only 17 when I attended, and now, 6 months later my life has completely changed for the better. I am going into college with much more assurance in the identity I've been given, the faith I practice, and the masculinity I was born to live out of. I am extremely grateful that God reached out to me during this weekend and gave me a new purpose.

The story that I am now living out is one of hope. With JiM and its brotherhood, the gift offered to me through the Catholic Church and its healing ministry called Courage, the rallying of my parents behind me in support, and following the Church's model of chastity, I no longer struggle with any thoughts or acting out (fantasy, pornography) of homosexuality. What I thought was a need to belong with a man was actually a need to belong among them, to be a part of the "club."

Throughout my journey out of homosexuality, I've learned through many books and testimonies that many men get lost because they don't know where they belong. At high school and college, this search can get particularly confusing when every message tells us to find our own way and be our own person. Homosexuality is "normal, intrinsic, and impossible to change." This isn't the truth you have to live by! If you struggle with homosexuality and feel that it's impossible for you to ever have guy friends or the camaraderie of brothers I urge you to look into this weekend!

When I was at JiM I saw the hope of brothers that have stepped off the homosexual path and now call others to do the same -- without judgment, condemnation, or mocking, but with the compassion of somebody that has been there before. For any man, of any age (and I strongly recommend it to the young adult that feels trapped by a lifestyle they're unsure about) JiM was the experience that started my walk out of homosexuality.


From Steve, in Florida:

My same-sex attraction began when I was in the 7th grade and saw boys in P.E. class who were more physically mature than I was. I remember having the desire to look and see what I thought I wasn't and didn't have.

Fast forward many years and I was living a dual life--on the one hand and I was dating girls and being sexual with them and on the other hand I was looking at guys and lusting. Porn and masturbation to same sex fantasy was almost an every day occurrence. This pattern continued into marriage and after the birth of two children.

Although I have never been sexual with a man, same sex lust and porn addiction had become my friend. After many years of this dual life, I decided I had to do something--I was tired of the behavior, the deception, and lying to my wife.

I was also a Christian and wanted to begin seeking God again. So, I returned to church, sought counseling, accountability, and some level of connection with men--as scary as that was.

Several years later, it was recommended by a counselor that I attend Journey Into Manhood (JiM). I attended in December 2007 and it changed my life. During the weekend, and the 2 1/2 years that have followed, I have learned how my same sex attraction started, how it has been fueled all these years, what true masculine intimacy is and how to get it on a regular basis. I now know that I am accepted by other men just as I am.

These revelations and experiences have been so healing. Since JIM, I have noticed a significant reduction in my same sex lust and desires as well as my porn addiction. I am living a more authentic life, sharing my failures with other men who understand. My relationship with my wife is better than it ever has been. I am experiencing true freedom.

Journey Into Manhood Weekend Is Life-Changing for Many

Since the first Journey Into Manhood weekend in January 2002, about 1,300 men from 45 U.S. states and 32 other countries have been through the powerful program presented by People Can Change. The experience has had a life-changing impact on hundreds and hundreds of these participants.

What follows are first-hand testimonials of how past participants benefited. These are real people, sharing real stories of the impact on their lives of this cross-roads experience.


From "J" of Florida:

I went through Journey Into Manhood in December 2008. At the time I was 30 and single. JiM was a life-altering experience for me.

Prior to the weekend, I knew that I had been attracted to men. However, coming back from the weekend I was able to put things into perspective, realizing that my needs were much deeper than a sexual desire. I came to understand myself, my needs, and how to get those needs properly met. I came to realize that there were issues in my life that I had not faced, that I never knew existed.

Facing my own issues head-on took courage and commitment. But doing so has yielded a life-altering way of living. I now have the tools necessary to deal with issues that arise in my life. I also have a greater understanding of myself and what it is that I am truly looking for.

Life has changed for me. I have changed for the better. My life has become more fulfilling than it ever has been before. My experiences with men continue to improve. I have gained a better understanding of my personal needs and can now verbalize those needs and get them met.

I only wish that I would have gone through this weekend 6 years prior, when I first learned about it. However, I went at the time that was right for me. My life is changed for the better, and there is no going back!


From Geno, of Pennsylvania:

I struggled with same-sex attractions since my childhood and adolescence. I yearned to be like any other guy without eroticizing the attraction to other men. Through a lot of personal work and life experience, I have been able to achieve that.

A major factor was attending the Journey Into Manhood weekends: I attended two weekends two years apart, the last one last year. They have been very powerful, really life-changing experiences. They provided me with experiences in a deeper level that truly created the change I was longing for deep down in my inner being.

Freely! Liberating! Awesome!

I really am grateful that there are men like Rich and Dave who help other men like me achieve our fullness in our masculine humanity.

I have better dealing with my wife and children as a result and continue to be the man I truly am. I am a better brother and friend. Actually getting to be the best I can be. I am balanced and centered.

I am a licensed professional in the mental/behavioral health field, and know that JIM is very sound and ethical. I respect and tolerate the different. Change and growth is possible and achievable and sustainable. It happens. It's life.


From Chuck, of Los Angeles:

After many positive and self-affirming years of reorientation therapy, I have come to the whole-hearted truth about myself: that my seeking romantic and sexual relationships with other men was, for me, a repetitive compulsion to get my family of origin and emotionally absent father to love me.

As is common with many gay-identified and sexually addicted men, I grew up with severe emotional neglect from my father and mother. Not only was my father never there emotionally or physically, my mother made me into her "surrogate husband" and proceeded to have an emotionally incestuous relationship with me.

As a direct result of attending a Journey into Manhood weekend in 2006, I developed a new awareness as to the consequences of this dysfunctional triad. I had proceeded to have no interest in the opposite sex because my mother had made sure that I never detached from her and that I never formed a healthy attachment to my father or any other man. I was in a hostile dependency with my mother, where I needed her for survival even while I couldn't stand her. At the same time, my mother shamed me over the course of my childhood into never asserting myself as a boy or man.

I discovered on the Journey into Manhood weekend that as a result of this emotionally incestuous relationship with my mother, I grew to overly identify with women, had major gender identity issues ( hence my feminized mannerisms) but also held no interest in developing intimate attachments or sexual relations with the opposite sex. I had had enough of women via my narcissistic mother.

My journey out of homosexuality, and into my real masculine heterosexual identity, was replete with many self-defeating and confusing detours. I saw a number of gay-affirming therapists, attended numerous gay-affirmative 12-step programs and support groups. I participated in several "gay pride" parades, and lived very much in a gay-affirmative world in West Hollywood, California. I read a wide variety of gay-affirmative literature and attempted living the gay lifestyle. I was told over and over again that I was born gay and I should just accept myself for "who I am." I was also told by several gay-affirming therapists that I had "internalized homophobia." That is, that I hated myself for being gay.

NOTHING COULD HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!

Essentially, as much as I tried to make the gay identity work for me, it never did.

My sexual relations with other men had their foundations built on a total lack of affection, attention and affirmation from my father, and a repetitive compulsion to repeat my childhood sexual abuse.

I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

I am grateful every day for the life-affirming lessons that I learned at my Journey into Manhood weekend, that essentially my needs for affection, attention, and affirmation are legitimate and non-negotiable. As a direct result of this corrective emotional experience, I have finally found heterosexual men who legitimately meet these needs in my life and don't sexualize them.

As a result of the lessons I learned at the Journey into Manhood weekend, I now am legitimately getting my same sex needs met though healthy non sexual experiences with other men. I feel totally not gay anymore and instead I feel a much stronger heterosexual attraction to the opposite sex and 100% better about me.

It is important to note that my personal work did not begin and end on one weekend. The follow up of consistent weekly corrective emotional experiences and real non-sexual emotional attachments with men over the course of several years (via other support groups like a "Soul Group" from another weekend experience called Marked Men for Christ) has been the most effective in my healing.

In my opinion, those who attack Journey into Manhood as a waste of time are ignorant of the real science behind gay-to-straight experience and are operating out of intolerance, lack for respect of diversity, and fear. Journey into Manhood has reaffirmed that my path out of homosexuality is positively real and life transforming.

Without Journey into Manhood along with my own personal therapy work, I would not have discovered how significantly my childhood sexual molestation at the hands of another male distorted my world view and other men.

Journey into Manhood has been an important part of my healing from homosexuality and my family of origin issues. It has made me a more self-loving and others-loving individual, and has helped me feel much better about myself and who I really am.

I'm so grateful that I did not listen to the gay-affirming and politically motivated society and instead, listened to my own inner truth. That is, I am not gay nor was I ever born gay.

Journey into Manhood has been a very positive and healing experience in my life.


From James, of California:

Journey Into Manhood changed my life in more ways than one.

I went to JiM in May 2008 and found out more about myself what was really was going on in life instead of hiding the pain and suffering of sexual activities. What I needed in JiM was guidance, the real meaning of love and to unravel my hard childhood. JiM is about taking back what was stolen in our childhood, finding the sense of healthy connection with men, non-sexually, and not looking to compare myself to someone because they may be better looking than I am.

Going to JiM was one of the best things that I have every done. I come to realized that everyone is different but we're all the same in so many ways.


From "Jack Yosef" of London, England:
"Thoughts on My Experience At a Journey into Manhood Weekend"

On Sunday evening (April 2009), I returned from a Journey Into Manhood weekend that is strongly recommended by JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) to all of its participants.

It was possibly the most powerful, thought provoking, authentic weekend of my life.

At the JiM weekend I had an opportunity, for the first time, and in a totally safe environment, to be utterly authentic with myself and with others. I allowed myself to be emotionally open, perhaps for the first time in my adult life. It was so powerful for me to tear down, piece by piece, the defensive walls I had built to protect my inner child from the core wounds I internalized in childhood.

Each of the processes at the weekend chopped away at the walls and ultimately I was able to knock down these defensive walls which I had built up over many years; it allowed me to return to my golden true self, my authentic inner core.

I realized for the first time I am completely normal, and my suffering is only because of factors in my childhood for which I was not responsible nor did I have the ability to control. I realized that I did not feel in control of my life, nor was I the man I wanted to be.

For me, the greatest thing I learned from JiM was self awareness. The lessons I internalized from the weekend allowed me to finally understand why I acted out. I needed a deep connection with men, but no amount of sex with men would ever achieve that, because in same-sex sex, I was projecting, not connecting. The only thing that brings the connection I truly crave is genuine, authentic non-sexual interaction with men.

I needed to feel like one of the boys, and needed to align how I see men with how I see myself. If my sense of self and my concept of what constitutes masculinity are in alignment, my need to seek out my sense of masculinity through others dissipates.

In many ways, I realize now that I saw men as emotionless, distant, and lacking in common sense, something I did not wish to be. I saw myself as the opposite of other men, but now, and only now, can I begin to realize that men can authentically express emotion without sex, can feel closeness to other men without sexualizing it, and can function with a sensitivity and intuitiveness that permits authentic connection.

My concepts of who I am and how I see other men are becoming more and more congruent. I am now finally able to start aligning my feelings about myself with how I feel about other men.

Another important realization I gained from the weekend is how I am attracted to the projection of what I want myself to be, and once I realize that, the sexual attraction fades. At the beginning of the weekend, I felt attracted to so many of the participants, and by the end, not even one of them. As I got to know them as real people and not as a projection of who I visualized them to be, I found myself authentically bonding with them in a healthy, non-sexual way. What a change from the mentality I found in the gay world.

Deep emotional breakthroughs are often experienced, and participants are able to affirm their inherent value as men, just as they are. JiM weekends are open to any man who experiences UNWANTED same-sex fantasies, arousals, identity, and/or behaviors. It is non-denominational. (Men of every race and religion are welcome). Orthodox Jewish practices are respected and taken into account by the originators of the weekend and may be practiced during the weekends.

From Geo, of Hungary:

When I went to JiM, it was a relief to see others also struggling with addictive porn usage or homosexual fantasy. At JiM I learned that it is okay to love men as brothers – but rather than expect and depend on one particular man to meet all my needs for male bonding, I should build meaningful connections with several men (some suggest 18 or more) who are willing to help me receiving "fathering," acceptance, and healthy touch.

All in all, I am more tolerant with those gays who believe in their homosexuality being unchangeable and genetic. I have less shame around this topic and less anger. I consider myself to belong to the subgroup of men who think their extreme touch-deprivation stems from past trauma. I do not like to consider myself homosexual, because I never had too much sex with men in my life. But I like to consider myself "homotactile" -- someone who has an extra measure of male-touch need. And since JiM, I am able to ask for non-sexual, healing touch from heterosexual men (and accept it when some say "no").


From "M" of New York:

I am writing this well into adult life and as a father of several children. Before I married, I was certain that after I got married the attraction I had to men would go away. As is so often the case, the attraction not only did not diminish, it grew stronger. There was no one in the therapy world at that time who could explain that the attraction to men was a signal from my brain and body that I needed legitimate nonsexual male companionship and friendship. After four years of marriage, I gave up the fight with my desires and started seeking men out for sexual activity.

While I never crossed the line into the type of homosexual intercourse forbidden by the Torah, suffice it to say that my behavior was a constant source of shame. Even so, I couldn't put a stop to it. Over the years, I saw several therapists, one of whom encouraged me to simply accept who "I was" and even find a lover.

By 2005, I despaired of ever overcoming both the attraction and the behaviors associated with it. Then I found a group called JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) whose activities and guidance have given me back my life.

At first, I was resistant to the types of therapy that JONAH promotes, which are variously called reparative or reorientation or change therapy. But as I read more of the books that are suggested by JONAH, I realized that my homosexual desires were not ends in themselves, but symptoms of a man who had lost his manhood, his masculinity, and, in my case, longed for his father. The more I recognized and acknowledged what the symptoms were telling me, the more the behavior decreased.

The really pivotal powerful moments came at a Journey into Manhood weekend that I attended in early April 2006. The event is sponsored by an organization called People Can Change. What I gained from the weekend can only be described as life transforming.
I finally came face to face with the fears that drove my homosexual behavior and was able to use those fears to transform from a frightened boy into a courageous man.

I began to recognize the incredibly powerful masculinity that lay within me, the gold I possess within that makes me a unique man with a mission.

My manhood was affirmed by other men who were in attendance in a way that finally swept away the sense of low self esteem that had permitted the undesired behaviors in the first place. Lifetime, healthy friendships were formed with men who are also seeking a path of complete manhood.

I was finally able to come to grips with the loss of the father I knew and realize that, despite his absence, he loved me very much and was proud of the young man I had become before his death. I came home from the weekend as a better husband and a better father.

Above all, I learned that to touch another man can be done in a way that is healthy, holy and noble. The Torah speaks openly of such touching, as with David and Jonathan. In fact, their friendship is described in Ethics of the Fathers as a pure love, because it is not tainted with a desire for reward, sexual or otherwise. I learned how that touch can happen. As a result, I came away from the activities with a restored sense of personal sanctity and a belief that G-d was giving me strength through SSA.

The APA Remains Unconvinced By The Evidence -- So What?

The American Psychological Association this week released its long-awaited report on how APA members should respond to clients who experience “sexual orientation distress” and seek to change unwanted same-sex attractions ("Resolution on Appropriate Affirmative Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts")

What the Report Means to Us

What does it mean for the man or woman who is distressed about unwanted homosexual attractions and wants to change them?

1. Therapists won’t be banned from practicing sexual-orientation change therapies. So you’ll still be able to find a licensed counselor, although professionals specializing in this area will continue to be relatively rare.

2. If you want a big, politically correct mental-health association to endorse psychological research that shows change is possible, you’re out of luck. But they’re not saying that change is impossible, either – only that, in the opinion of the gay-affirming, liberal-leaning task force members, existing research is “insufficient” to justify counseling for unwanted same-sex attraction, and that you are “unlikely” to be successful at change.

(I actually consider this a step closer to the truth than what the APA’s past positions have been. “Insufficient evidence” is a point of debate; “no evidence” is a complete lie. Likewise, “unlikely to change” is cynicism; “impossible to change” is outright denial of countless testimonials and other evidence.)

3. You might find it easier to find a therapist who is willing to help you balance your sexual feelings with your religious faith, even if he doesn’t believe sexual-orientation change is possible.


Other than that, what the APA thinks doesn’t really matter to the man or woman who is committed to lessening his or her homosexual attractions. The APA issue is about what can be proven by scientific research; what ethical guidelines therapists should follow; how much control the APA can have over its members; and how much political clout gay advocates have in the mental health trade groups.

Our issue, on the other hand, is much more personal. It’s about what we want for our own lives. It’s about what works for us. What makes us happy. What feels right. What feels wrong. Who we feel like we really are.

What the APA has to say to us about any of that is completely irrelevant.

What the APA Report Doesn’t Say

Nevertheless, for those who are reading what’s being said on the Web, and want a better understanding of the APA’s report, here is my summary:

What is most significant about the report is what it did not say.

1) It did NOT recommend banning APA members from practicing sexual orientation change therapies. It did not call for defining sexual orientation change therapies as unethical.

That in itself is a significant victory, given the gay-affirmative leanings of all six members of the APA task force who wrote the report.

(No therapists were allowed on the task force who actually have experience counseling clients who want to change their same-sex attractions, despite the fact that at least four highly qualified PhDs who are recognized leaders in this area were recommended to the APA selection committee. See http://www.narth.com/docs/lacks.html )

2) It did NOT repeat the lie that there is “no scientific evidence” that change is possible, as other mental health associations have done.

Rather, it said, in the view of the task force, that there is “insufficient evidence” that sexual orientation change efforts are effective; that it is “unlikely” that clients will be able to reduce same-sex attractions or increase opposite-sex attractions; and that “compelling evidence” of change was “rare.”

Being unconvinced by the available evidence (especially when you are already a skeptic) is a long way from saying there is no evidence – or, as some will distort this report, from falsely claiming that “research proves you can’t change.”

Just the fact that the APA acknowledged that it found 83 studies for review is a step forward. For years, the APA has seemed to deny even that such research even exists.

The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality put the lie to that idea last month when it published a peer-reviewed monograph called, “What Research Shows: NARTH's Response to the APA Claims on Homosexuality.” The monograph was based on a review of 600 reports of clinicians, researchers, and former clients—primarily from professional and peer-reviewed scientific journals – over the past 125 years. The monograph’s conclusion: the research shows that it is indeed possible for some men and women to diminish their unwanted homosexual attractions and develop heterosexual attractions.

Of course, the APA task force disagrees, arguing that “We found serious methodological problems in this area of research, such that only a few studies met the minimal standards for evaluating whether psychological treatments… are effective.”

Fine. Scientists always disagree on the scientific validity of various research studies—particularly when they don’t like what the findings suggest. But at least now we’re arguing about the research, instead of claiming it doesn’t exist.

3) It did NOT instruct APA members to tell clients who want to change that there is “no evidence” that therapy can change sexual orientation, as the Wall Street Journal and other media have mistakenly reported on the APA resolution.

Rather, the task force said, “We consider it inappropriate… to foster or support in clients the expectation that they will change their sexual orientation.” It proposed a resolution (which the APA has since passed) that mental health professionals should “avoid misrepresenting” the expected efficacy of change efforts “by promoting or promising” change.

The APA’s press release went further than the actual task force report, adding: “Mental health professionals should avoid telling clients that they can change their sexual orientation through therapy or other treatments.” The report itself, however, simply cautions against misrepresentation and over promising -- which is just good professional practice for anyone.

4) It did NOT “denounce reparative therapy” as some media have falsely reported.

Perhaps the report’s strongest statement against what the APA calls “sexual orientation change efforts” is simply that the APA “concludes that there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation.” Hardly a denunciation.


APA Finally Recognizes Validity of Religious Values

What the report did say is also significant.

It (finally!) recognized the significant and valid role of religious faith to some clients in responding to sexual orientation concerns.

In the past, the APA seems to have relegated religious faith to a “fringe” status while promoting sexual drives as the exclusive or most esential factor in determining one’s values and life choices.

Instead, the report:

-- advocated “acceptance, support and recognition of the importance of faith” to some clients.

-- acknowledged that therapists can ethically help clients explore possible life paths that balance “the reality of their sexual orientation” with “the possibilities for a religiously and spiritually meaningful and rewarding life.”

The Real Evidence: Changed Lives

Personally, I know from my own experience that change is possible and well worth it! I also know dozens of others who can tell you the same thing. Their testimonials – and the lives they live as a quiet daily witness of this truth – are much more powerful than any task force report could ever be.